The year leading up to my five year-old beginning kindergarten was full of indecision for me. She desperately wanted to go to school all day like her big sisters, yet I was faced with the choice of half day or all day kindergarten. That should be an easy decision right? I mean it’s not like we were deciding to move out of the country, but for me it was torturous.
I trifle over so many decisions when it comes to my children. I desperately want to do what’s right for them and I know their time with me is short. I want to make every choice the perfect choice, and forget sometimes that there’s not always the “perfect choice.”
So, we move forward making the best decisions we can. And if we’re wise, we’ll listen to our hearts, make those choices and do our best to not look back.
After brutally overthinking the kindergarten decision, I went with all day. It wasn’t settling, but I weighed the matter and went with what made the most sense. I wish I could say that I trusted that choice and moved forward without looking back, but that’s not exactly what happened.
She began school as the most excited-bouncing-little blonde child I’ve ever seen. She was so happy to take her lunch, go to P.E. and art, and get picked up at the end of the day with her sisters. She was going to live all of her kindergarten dreams, and then school started and she struggled. She struggled for the first 8 weeks or so.
Emotionally, I beat myself up. I had made the wrong choice. She was too little and sensitive to go to school all day when she didn’t have to, and I had robbed her of her childhood. It all looked dark. I wanted to undo my decision, but I didn’t want her to quit. I didn’t want us to fail in our decision.
So we stuck with it, as painful as it was. I was determined to see this decision through regardless of the self-doubt that had swallowed me up. “Just give it one more day,” I kept telling myself over and over again. So we gave it one more day-each day, and eventually it worked itself out. She turned back into the bouncing-little child that she is, started thriving, and I learned an important lesson. I need to trust myself.
You need to trust yourself too Mama. When we make the best decisions that we can for our children, it’s helpful to see them through before we tear ourselves down when things aren’t going as planned. I’m not saying it’s never okay to reevaluate and retract a decision, but sometimes we just need to trust. We can go back to why we made the decision in the first place and keep our faith. We can stop the self-doubt, and follow our hearts. After all, I firmly believe that our hearts are the best parenting tool we’ve been given, so let’s use those hearts to our full advantage. Keep trying. Keep going. Keep trusting.